Week 4: Asking Questions to Reduce Reactance

Often, when people come to me for advice, my response is “before I can answer that, I need to ask you some more questions.” Even though I typically have a gut opinion after their first question, I appreciate that they value my opinion, and it is important to me that I give them the best advice that I can. In order to do this, I know I have to fully understand the situation and the environment variables around it.

After my peppering of questions, typically two things have happened:

1. Their view of the situation has changed slightly.
2. My opinion on how they should proceed has changed (sometimes slightly, sometimes completely!)

Although I value the use of questions tremendously in certain situations, I realized this week that there are some where I rarely use questions at all. I mentioned in my last post that it is common for me to thoroughly prepare for presentations. I also leave no stone unturned in coming up with solutions. As a result, in my mind, there are no more questions to be answered. I would have done my due diligence in finding all of the answers needed prior to the engagement.

Obviously, that’s a mistake.

This week’s lesson was to read about a second tactic for overcoming Reactance - Ask, Don’t Tell. For several years now, I have deliberately tried to improve on my ability to ask powerful questions. Powerful questions break cognitive fixedness and encourage creative thinking — all of which leads us to gain a deeper understanding of the subject.

As I read through this week’s texts, I reflected on how infrequently I use questions when I’m pushing an agenda even though I believe so strongly in the power of questions.

This week’s reading highlighted that, similar to Providing a Menu, questions

• shift the listener’s role so they are occupied with answering the question rather than coming up with counterarguments to what you are proposing.
• increase buy-in since the answer is their answer and they maintain their perception of autonomy.

Reading this section reminded me of Law 6 in The Diary of a CEO by Steven Bartlett so I went back and reread it as well. Law 6 is Ask, Don’t Tell - The Question/Behavior Effect. In his book, Steven Bartlett provides several recommendations based on research that can help us ask more effective questions when it comes to moving people to action.

• Use questions that can be answered with either yes or no. Binary choices don’t allow for justification or excuses.
• Start the question with ‘will’ which implies ownership and action. He points out that starting with ‘can’ implies a question about ability rather than action. Starting with ‘would’ is conditional and therefore implies possibility more than probability.

Both books point out the power of questions in encouraging the responders to commit to the conclusion — to behave consistently with the answer they give. In a change effort, the ultimate goal is to increase buy-in and the number of team members moving in the direction of change.

Reflecting back on various change efforts, I can see how this technique could potentially influence decision makers regardless of their motives. Off the top of my head, here’s what comes to mind.

For the person who acknowledges a problem, is doing the wrong thing but THINKS they are doing the right thing,

• Identify the aspects of the problem that their current solution does not address
• Ask them “Will your solution be able to address that aspect?”

For the person who doesn’t acknowledge a change is needed:

• Specifically identify one pain point that you think will most resonate with them
• Ask them “Will we be dealing with this same pain point at this time next year if we stay the course?”

For the person who will be negatively impacted by the change (i.e. financial targets may not be met and their bonus may not be paid out)

• Ask them “Will implementing the right changes now mean an increased and sustainable financial future?”

I almost feel like I should piece together all of my new tools and tactics and create a workbook for myself to use in future change efforts. It’s also becoming clear that I need to be just as thorough in preparing to counteract Reactance as I am in coming up with the strategy or plan for the actual change initiative.

Simultaneously daunting and empowering…

Looking forward to learning with you again next week. Thanks for reading!