Embracing Frustration as a Leader: Keys to Rapid Growth

Something must be wrong with me.

I remember thinking that over and over again after sitting through countless meetings brainstorming solutions to various company challenges for which the answer was always obvious to me - we have to take care of the people.

I understood that taking care of the people would be the only way to sustainably realize the business goals. However, the more we pursued alternative solutions to no avail, the more my frustration increased. I began to be even more assertive and passionate in those meetings - hoping that would emphasize the point.

It didn't.

And I didn't understand why…

...until years later.

I read an article titled Show Passion at Work Without Seeming "Emotional". It described how my "passionate expression" actually REDUCED my chances of being convincing to others.

And I thought “well, that sucks!”

Luckily, the article also offered tangible ways for women to get their point across so that it is well-received, especially among a male-dominated audience.

I can't really tell you why THIS moment caused my epiphany but it did. For the first time, I felt empowered to overcome this recurring frustration and was excited for the next opportunity to put my new skills into practice.

And then it hit me!

This excitement stemmed from my love of learning new things and also my desire to overcome this challenge. I had finally developed a learning growth mindset.

Redefining Frustration: The First Key to Accelerated Leadership Growth

A leadership growth mindset helps to reframe every frustrating, disappointing or challenging situation into an opportunity to deepen your leadership acumen in a particular area.

This makes perfect sense.

One of the best things about doing technical work is that you're constantly learning. Technical contributors welcome the opportunity to encounter a new challenge or technology. This doesn't discourage us or cast doubt on the skills we've already developed. Instead, we seek out the right resources to overcome the challenge or learn the new technology.

And we do it with enthusiasm!

Therefore, the first step is to commit to a new way of thinking around each negative or frustrating experience we have along our leadership journey.

Bonus points for getting excited about the new skills you’re about to learn!

Skill Building: The Second Key to Accelerated Leadership Growth

Obviously, the second step is to identify which skills you should focus your learning on!

There are two paths one can take to achieve this step - the easy path and the hard path.

The easy path is just three steps:

1. Identify a leader you admire. This can be a person you know personally or not.
2. Ask yourself “if [leader you admire] were in this situation, what skill would she employ that would lead to my desired outcome?”
3. Google (or…dare I say…ask ChatGPT) “how can I develop [the skill] as a leader?”

Easy-peasy.

Will you get better as a leader? Yes (assuming you read the right things and learn from them).

Is this the best we can do? Absolutely not…but some people are short on time!

The hard path requires a bit of introspection and a LOT of honesty with yourself!

If you choose this option, you need to really reflect on the situation. It’s even better if you can recall several similar situations and reflect on them together.

When did you first start to get frustrated in the situation? Was it when they shot down your idea? Was it when that one guy used that one phrase that you really hate? Was it before you even encountered the situation and the anticipation of it brought on the bad feelings?

Who is involved? Is it always the same people? Is it just one person or a collection of individuals? How specific can you get about what it is that causes a negative reaction? How well do you know them?

How did YOU react? Is that how you WANT to react? Do you recall how you felt in the moment about the reaction or just after?

You can (and should) go on and on. The goal here is to get crystal clear on the root cause of your frustration.

You’ll know that you’ve done this right because the root cause of your frustration should easily lead you to the specific skill that, when developed, will help you overcome similar frustration in the future.

Here’s a skill bank to get those juices flowing! You’re probably pretty drained from all the introspection and honesty - I know I always am!

Resource Harvesting: The Third Key to Accelerated Growth

Now, say this with me…ALL LEADERSHIP RESOURCES ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL.

Ever wonder why there are SO many leadership books about the same topic? Me too.

The best answer I’ve come up with is that each contain different voices, examples and anecdotes and those will resonate with different people.

Once you determine the skills you want to develop, you should cast a wide net in finding resources to help you. Ask fellow leaders (the good ones) and mentors for recommendations. Google to find your own. Look for books, articles, podcast shows and episodes, conferences, formal training, etc. There is no shortage of resources so just choose what sounds most interesting to you to start with!

Now, that might sound like step 3 but it isn’t.

Step 3 is to KEEP TRACK OF THE RESOURCES YOU LIKE BEST! In the future, start with these and only venture out once you’ve exhausted their help (unlikely) or you want to find new ones.

I tend to appreciate resources that provide actionable insight. Recall my epiphany from before. I like to finish an article, podcast episode, etc. feeling really empowered to immediately do something differently. So, I have found it really helpful to keep track of those resources that are consistent about providing that!

Here are some of my favorites to get you started.

• Harvard Business Review - this is my first go-to 99% of the time.
• Anything by Patrick Lencioni or John Maxwell - they have books, podcast shows and countless YouTube videos.

Embrace, Redefine, and Build: Your Blueprint for Rapid Leadership Growth

I hope you are as excited by this point in your reading as I am in writing this!

The steps in this article are easy and also obvious.

Step 1: From here on, we will refer to “frustrating experiences” as “learning opportunities.” Sometimes, this alone will keep us sane!

Step 2: Determine the skill you want to develop.

Step 3: Find your resources and find a way to remember them!

However, as I reflect on my leadership journey, it wasn’t obvious to me and I spent a lot of time just stuck because of the frustration.

Hopefully now you never have to be stuck!

To further get you unstuck, here are some example situations, the corresponding leadership skill that could help relieve the frustration and an example resource.

Good luck in your journey becoming the best leader you can be!